About little houses and big dreams

I looked up yurt living on Google [in case you wonder why, this post written by a young woman I care about provides at least one clue!] and found Tiny House Blog and this particular post about living in a yurt.

A little more “wandering” on that blog led me to this blog that tells all kinds of stories about a young (40-year-old and 30-year-old) couple who move to Idaho to live in a very tiny house they are building on her parents’ property. . . .

Yeah. “Back to nature” and “let’s check out of modern life as much as possible” [“We're looking for somewhere we can reduce our costs enough so that we only have to work part-time and can spend the rest of our time as we want”—The Happiness Project and Desire Paths].

Hmmmm. . . .

Reminds me of a certain couple I know who moved to Virginia with their four sons and a dog!

Is that the Garden of Eden for today?

Wants #3: Family

Tougher and tougher!

Once more: McCarthy's list of eight areas of "wants":

• Physical/Health/Recreation
• Finance/Material Possessions
• Family
• Vocation/Career
• Social/Community
• Spiritual
• Mental/Intellectual
• Other

So I'm up to "Family."

I love my wife. As I identify myself here, I'm the "husband to the wife of my youth" . . . which is a direct reference to Proverbs 5:18b, but, by implication, to the section from Proverbs 5:15-20:

Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer--
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?

Family Goals

• I want to remain faithful to my wife above all else, when it comes to "Family." Though maybe faithful isn't even the right word. I want to love her . . . I think, to use a term from Scripture: "As Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . ." (Ephesians 5:25-26). --I'm afraid that may be a bit more "pie in the sky" than I want: I am sure I fail at it far too often. But that's my desire. That's what I want. . . .
  
  As I said back in Love Languages: The Gift of Gift-Giving . . . and Receiving:
  

  Closeness . . . means--and has always meant--[such] a great deal to me that [I permitted] no one--no one, not even any of our kids, even when they were exceptionally young-- . . . "get between" Sarita and me. If we were sitting in church: no one sat between us. Ever. It was simply understood. The symbolism was too great, too meaningful.

So that's #1.

After that, . . .

• I want to pass on a legacy of wisdom to my kids and grandkids. I'm not exactly sure what that means in practice. I think it includes thoughtfulness, and a desire for graciousness in speech and conduct. . . . And if and when we fail (which, I am afraid, we will all do far more often than we would prefer) . . . then I want them to be quick to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with the person(s) they have offended: to be "made right." That is a heart desire.

This one is really tough. I find myself torn, torn, torn on it.

On the one side:

• I don't want to be a "Cat's in the Cradle" dad:

  My child arrived just the other day
  He came to the world in the usual way
  But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.
  He learned to walk while I was away
  And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
  He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad.
  You know I'm gonna be like you."
  
  And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
  Little boy blue and the man on the moon.
  "When you comin' home, Dad?"
  "I don't know when. But we'll get together then, son.
  You know we'll have a good time then."
  
  My son turned ten just the other day.
  He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad. Come on, let's play.
  Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today.
  I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
  And he walked away, and his smile never dimmed.
  He said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
  You know I'm gonna be like him. . . ."

  --Harry Chapin

My eyes tear up just writing those words!

I so much wish I could have had a closer relationship with my own dad. . . .

So: I want not to have a Harry Chapin-esque "Cat's in the Cradle" kind of relationship with my kids and grandkids.

But yet, at the same time, I have to confess, I have to fight my . . .

• humongously strong desire for . . . time to be by myself; time to think; time to . . . just "be."
  
  And I have never been "good" at--and



• I have no desire for--"chit chat" kinds of conversation.
  
  I endure it. I can "even"--when I'm really deliberate about it-- . . . I can "even" permit myself to enjoy light conversation: just "let it flow." But I will never seek it out. I will seek human company. And for the sake of such company, I will enjoy the camaraderie of light banter and "shooting the breeze." But if the conversation turns deep, if it turns "fierce": then I feel I'm truly in my element. . . .
  
  So that "reality" means
  
  
  • I find myself pretty shredded when my kids or grandkids are over.
    
    
  • I want to spend time with them, but
    
    
  • I don't "just" want light time, and
    
    
  • I don't want to force heavy time, and
    
    
  • I know I can't expect to enjoy the heavy times if I'm not "there" for them during the light banter times when, in the midst of such conversation the heavier topics will almost inevitably make themselves felt and known. . . .
  
  So I often find myself "apart" from the family, kind of "doing my thing," yet feeling drawn to--guilty, even, because I'm not involved in--their conversations.
  
  I guess I'm a kind of "double-minded" man at that point. . . .
  
  [Strange: This seems to be a pattern in our growing extended family. While the women watch the little ones (the grandkids) and enjoy fellowship one with another, the adult men in the family (other than me) seem to sneak off and play video games or watch movies together. I sit in my office, often at my computer, and do this kind of stuff--like writing blog posts. I don't join either group. Because I think video games are pretty stupid, and I don't enjoy "chit chat."
  
  But if the women decide to go for a walk or something, then I love to join them.]
  
  Weird.

Well. Back to wants.

Y'know? I can't really think of any more "wants" right now. I'm afraid this is as far as I'm going to be able to take this right now.

But as I said before: this is a start. And a start is better than no start at all.

So I'll quit now. . . .

Wants #2: Finances/Material Possessions

So I'm continuing to think about my "wants."

McCarthy's list of eight areas:

• Physical/Health/Recreation


• Finance/Material Possessions


• Family
• Vocation/Career


• Social/Community


• Spiritual


• Mental/Intellectual


• Other

I've been able to get rather specific in the area of Physical/Health/Recreation. I find it tougher to define wants in the other areas.

But let me try.

Finance/Material Possessions

First round. (Don't get bogged down in attempting to define a final, "perfect" list, John!)

• I want to have enough to live modestly.
  
  Some negatives:
  
  
  • I want not to live "above my means."
  
  
  • I want not to "live rich"; I want to cap my consumption . . . so that I might have something to share with others.
  
  This matter of having something to share, of course, also depends on my next want:


• I want to earn enough that I might have an abundance out of which I can give. (Ephesians 4:28: "Let him who steals, steal no longer. Rather, let him work . . . that he may have something to share with those in need.")


• I want to live wisely with what I have so that I can fulfill the "good" spoken of in Micah 6:8: "to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God."


• I want to conduct my affairs in such a manner that I do not hurt others . . .


• That I pay my bills on time at the latest.


• That, if or when I borrow, I do so, if at all possible, while possessing assets with which I could pay back the loan immediately. --Actually, this has a dual purpose. Not only does it protect my lender from possible default, but it protects me from engaging in the kind of loan into which the truly desperate--the profoundly poor--enter and, thus, become servants or slaves (Proverbs 22:7). [NOTE: Yes, I am convinced there are different types of loans and different forms of borrowing and some are wicked and some are wise. But that belongs somewhere else.]

The following is a tough one. I am having to overcome very strong "habits of mind" instilled in me from when I was very young:

• To live generously, not stingily. I find this showing up in such areas as


• Tips . . . to waiters and waitresses, cab drivers, porters, etc., etc. --I really struggle with this kind of stuff!


• "Picking up the tab" when I'm with someone. --It is so easy to "let the other person do it."


• Providing really nice food . . . at a potluck, say, or . . . whenever.


• When I give, to give wisely and purposefully. Not to be controlled by foolish sentimentality. . . .

First round. . . . To be continued.

Defining One's Personal Mission: On- or Off-Purpose?

Well, I have now read The On-Purpose Person: Making Your Life Make Sense and am working my way through Now, Discover Your Strengths.

Both book emphasize becoming aware of yourself--your wants (in the case of The On-Purpose Person) and your strengths (in the case of Now, Discover Your Strengths).

In The On-Purpose Person, Kevin McCarthy urges us to create 8 want lists: one list in each of the following areas:

• Physical/Health/Recreation
• Finance/Material Possessions
• Family
• Vocation/Career
• Social/Community
• Spiritual
• Mental/Intellectual
• Other

Plan to write incomplete lists, but keep updating them and adding to them over time.

And then, he suggests, run single-elimination "tournaments" among your various wants--like in tennis or the championship series for basketball and baseball: "play" each want against another; whichever one "wins" as most important then goes up against a similar "winner" from a separate contest. Keep playing your wants against each other until one comes out on top. Then play your remaining wants against each other until you find your second most compelling desire. And your third. And fourth. And so on until you produce as thorough a list of top-priority wants as you can reasonably pursue. . . . And then pursue them. Diligently.

I'm not sure I fully agree with placing your own desires at the center of your life's purpose. But hopefully you have acquired "the mind of Christ" and so your desire is His desire or, rather, His desires are now yours (Psalm 37:4, NIV: "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart"; see also Romans 12:2).

If your desires are right and are good, then it sure seems it should be a good thing if you diligently pursue those items that are at the top of your list for being significant and worthy of pursuit! So, once you know your highest priority wants, you can then evaluate how you're spending our time: are you on-purpose, or off? Are you investing your time in those activities that you have declared are your highest priorities . . . or not?