Hymns and praise songs: what's the difference?

Worship in the Church of Reconciliation at Taizé. (See last section of current post.) Image via Wikipedia

An old humor piece I found on the Sonlight forums back in 2003. My recent post about some of the songs we were asked to sing at our church reminded me of it:

An old farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. "Well," said the farmer, "It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns."

"Praise choruses," said his wife. "What are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like hymns, only different," said the farmer.

"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The farmer said, "Well, it's like this. If I were to say to you:

Martha, the cows are in the corn . . .

--well, that would be a hymn.

"If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Martha Martha, Martha,
Oh, Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA,
The cows, the big cows, the brown cows,
The black cows, the white cows,
The black and white cows,
The COWS, COWS, COWS
Are in the corn, are in the corn,
Are in the corn, are in the corn,
the CORN, CORN, CORN . . .

and then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times--well, that would be a praise chorus."

As luck would have it, the exact same Sunday a young, new Christian from the city church attended the small town church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

"Well," said the young man, "it was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs."

"Hymns," said his wife. "What are those?"

"Oh, they're okay. They're sort of like regular songs, only different," said the young man.

"Well, what's the difference?" asked his wife.

The young man said, "Well, it's like this. If I were to say to you:

Martha, the cows are in the corn . . .

--well, that would be a regular song.

"If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.

For the way of the animals who can explain
There in their heads is no shadow of sense,
Hearkenest they in God's sun or his rain
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.

Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke from their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.

So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.

--Then, if I were to do only verses one, three and four and do a key change on the last verse: well, that would be a hymn."

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The Taize version would be something like:

There are cows in the corn. There are cows in the corn.
We shall have to remove them, those cows in our corn.

Repeat approximately 20x, with a shifting of harmony by those who like to experiment, as the only real difference.

After everyone becomes silent, the music will continue for two more rounds. Then there will be a meditative silence until the next song begins.