Living our lives purposefully

In the last couple of days I have had a few conversations with people who told me more than I think I have the right to know about their personal stories. At the Old Year's Night/New Year's Eve party Sarita and I attended, a young man of 32 told me all about how he and his 26-year-old wife got together, beginning from when she was the 14-year-old older sister of his younger sister's best friend. She lived five doors down the street.

I was stunned, astonished, appalled at the casual attitude he seemed to display towards entering into a physical/sexual relationship with her . . . even "way back then." And then the (brief, but enough) details about how he "tested" her and, apparently, she "tested" him after they moved in together at 25- and 19-years of age, respectively.

Oh, and then (not terribly detailed, but enough) descriptions of his relationships with all the other girls he dated in his pre-marriage days.

Then this morning, talking with family members who returned from holiday visits with their in-laws, I was regaled once more with stories of broken relationships, infidelities, people with drug and alcohol problems, and more.

"How does this happen? Why do kids who come from stable, loving, strong homes throw it all out to pursue such downward spirals?"

It was with these kinds of thoughts in the back of my mind that my "Sweet Vocal" station on Pandora played John Ondrasik ("Five for Fighting"--perhaps best known for Superman (It's Not Easy))'s song 100 Years.

I have "liked" 100 Years a lot for a long time. Not that I knew its title, who had sung it, or what it was about. To be honest, I had never really listened to its lyrics. I had just loved the tune. But I happened to have the Pandora page open at the moment when the song came on yesterday and it displayed--and I happened to read--the first few lines.

I was stunned:

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way babe
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment . . .

????? "What is this about?" I asked.

I thought I knew, but I wanted to be sure. (By the way, go here for the rest of the lyrics.)

I looked the song up online and found a YouTube video. Not the official video, but the following video confirmed and, in a way, expanded on my understanding of the song (and, in fact, when I watched Ondrasik's orginal video, I came to the conclusion that it conveys the meaning of the song far better than does his).

Gorgeous. I found myself in tears:



Ah! That we would live our lives in consciousness of the swift passage of time!

Living Strategically

Al and Libbie's blog led me to some pretty amazing writings . . . including David Powlison's "Response" to an article by John Piper: "Don't Waste Your Cancer."

And, then, a post by Greg Hewlett including some key "Resolutions" of Jonathan Edwards written in 1722-1723:

Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.

5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable
way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live
their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and
confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.

Oh! That I could even approximate such holiness and purposiveness!

A swamp or a river?

I was talking with a friend this morning. She said a counselor or hers had suggested her life was like a swamp: it lacked boundaries and direction. The counselor suggested she needed to look for the appropriate channel walls, the barriers, the limitations in which the energy of her life could--and should--flow.

We ought to see rivers of living water flowing from our lives (John 7:38). We ought not to have stagnant pools of water surrounding us because we lack . . . purpose . . . or direction.

A letter to my family: About living strategically . . .

Yes, the following is a direct quote. It took me a few days to decide how much of it (if any) I should post online. I'm comfortable . . .

I spent an hour and a half or two hours talking with a banker [last] Friday morning. Dan specializes in helping families work through discussions about subjects like those I have been writing about in my blog.

He urged me (and us) to think and talk through our personal, individual vision and mission statements. We--each of us--need to know what we, individually, are about before we can legitimately and reasonably begin to form broader family mission and vision statements.

Among the questions he suggested we ought to consider:

• What are my key or highest values? What things are most valuable to me?

(By way of example, for me, let me note that I would list: integrity (think of the title of my book!); honesty (almost the same as integrity!); openness; good communication (notice a pattern?!?); bringing people together through good communication; inquiry; inquisitiveness; learning. . . .)

• What would it mean for me to be "effective" or "successful" in LIFE?

This, of course, has to do with more--far more--than "money." I think it has to do with what I would want people to remember me for when I die.

I think of the yacht we saw in Boca Raton a couple of weeks ago: the "Golden Rule." Beautiful boat. Cost multi-millions, of course. Has a crew that sit and tend and coddle it. (We saw them polishing it.) Beautiful! . . . And it probably sits docked 48 of 52 weeks a year . . . or more. Totally for show.

But before I got thinking about all those things and realizing the realities behind the boat, my first thought, when I saw its name was, "'Golden Rule'! 'Golden Rule'! That's great! You [owner, whoever you are] believe in the Golden Rule!?!" --Truly. There was great joy in my heart.

I had to think a moment to remember what "The Golden Rule" is all about: "Do unto others as you would . . . "

That's when it hit me: "Now, wait a minute! . . . I'll bet you [owner] don't mean 'Do unto others . . .'! I'll bet you're referring to that 'other' 'Golden Rule': 'Them's that's got the gold sets the rules.' . . . Oh, how funny. [bitter] How foolish and futile. . . ."

So this owner--whoever he or she is (or they are)-- . . . this owner owns this magnificent yacht, the biggest one in the marina. And when s/he dies: will anyone care? Is that--owning the biggest, most magnificent yacht--what s/he wants to be remembered for?

That's not what I want to be remembered for.

But what do I want to be remembered for?

I haven't ever really thought that through!

I want to think that through. And I want you, as my heirs, part of my "legacy," to think that through, too. So you (and I!) can be very purposeful in our lives, successful . . . whatever "successful" means.

Before God, what do we believe success looks like? For us? Individually?

I'd like us to think and talk about it.

Dan suggested that we should each write a paragraph or two (or the equivalent in simple bullet points). Just to get started.

Though it wasn’t Dan who urged me to blog about these things, in essence, my blog, recently, has included stuff--a very concise summary of 14 values, for instance, plus a whole lot of musings on the broader subject--that I think may help me to write my purpose or mission statement.

*******

One other thought that may help us.

I think we (or at least I) always want to create a "final" document. But I don't think we should approach this project with such a thought in mind. If we have written such a document and we happen to die before we revise it, then, obviously, that will prove to have been a "final document." . . . But as long as we keep living, this purpose statement/mission statement doesn't have to be . . . indeed, it almost certainly ought not to be a "final document."

And I say all that partially (I hope) to free you from the feeling that you must make some kind of perfect, final, absolute, never-to-be-varied statement.

I don't think so.

I think Luke once wrote a mission/vision statement. That was back between his junior and senior years in high school. It might be interesting for him to share with the rest of us what he wrote . . . and then to see how he might alter it today.

My main purpose, here--for you as well as (and maybe primarily) for me--is to get us to live more strategically or, perhaps better, as strategically as possible.

Okay. Enough.

Love,

Dad